1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
