God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
