I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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