I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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