his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
