Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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