Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
