Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
