Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
