I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
