I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
