I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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