I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
