I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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