I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
