From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
