Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
