The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
