Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
