I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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