garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
