well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
