she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
