I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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