We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
