I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
