dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
