I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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