you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
