The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
