Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
