Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
