May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
