He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
