her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
