she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
