He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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