That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
