I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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