Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
