don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
