Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
