using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I could fuck to npr.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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