I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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