I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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