It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
