halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
