dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
