Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
