guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
