What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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